An Entrepreneur's Wife

I've been thinking about this post for a long time. I googled it once, and nothing came up. Not very surprising. An entrepreneur's wife can't say much most the time. It's hush hush unless it's up on someone's website or in the news. My best, most glamorous guess is that it's kind of a secret club. That apparently no one blogs about.

Being an entrepreneur's wife, at least in the early stages, means many things. Kind of like being the wife of a graduate student. The sideways glances, the grimacing laugh. The, "How are you?" question followed by a, "Fine," in an odd voice that is only best described as a mix between crazy and clueless. Underneath that, "fine," you feel exactly that. You are fine, but you do in fact feel crazy and pretty clueless about what the outcome of this adventure will be.

Being an entrepreneur's wife means sacrifice. Just because the business is in the green, does not mean you are. Whatever you take home, takes from someone else's paycheck, or the viability of the company existing one more month. Insurance is not a given. Dental probably even rarer. Pensions? 401ks? You're on your own. There is something called equity in the company that is dolled out, but I have yet to see what that really means.

Being an entrepreneur's wife means you're an entrepreneur too. It's not just your husband working. It's you too. Whether that means you are the "stable" income, or whether you are bootstrapping the business by working. One of my friends from high school recently came to visit. She worked for two years while her husband started his own business. It worked out quite well, and now she is able to stay home with her newborn son. She could definitely relate to the short-term sacrifice that invests in your future success. Although I do not work, I live through his work. I know what is going on. We ride the ups and downs together. There is also an entrepreneurial way of thinking that is contagious. Always trying to think of a new business idea or a way to make things better. I am not a creative thinker, but I do think up some ideas on occasion. My husband, on the other hand, probably thinks of 10 business ideas a day. Not all of them are viable. But it is really fun, and it brings us together.

Being an entrepreneur's wife means you will not be able to explain what your husband does. Or rather, you will explain, but people will not understand. In the mid-size city we live in about 80 percent of the people have very traditional jobs. Engineers, doctors, accountants, military. Professional careers that can be easily described in one word. They are a doctor. They are a teacher. They are in advertising. Performing that task equals a paycheck. Just mention the company name and people will know how 75 percent of your life operates. When you say, "entrepreneur," or "starting my own business," you are in the minority 20 percent that is either associated with poverty and eccentricity, or the super successful elite. Not much middle ground. It takes too long to describe my husband's venture, so I try to just not explain. Just say IT startup, or something like that. They always want more information. So I oblige them. But to be honest, I feel like I need an elevator speech and some key messages written for me (note: this was my former job, create messages like this)

Being an entrepreneur's wife means you will pray ... a lot. Belief in God is how we survive. Even if Tyler wasn't starting his own business, God would be how we stay strong. When we were interviewing for jobs, I kept getting this panicked, nervous, competitive, jealous feeling. In our church we believe strongly that our feelings are promptings of the Holy Ghost. So you pay attention to them. Looking back this panicky feeling was most definitely a sign that the corporate path was not for us at this time. When his business got funding from a venture capital firm, it was relatively calm, and just normal! Every time I get a feeling of doubt (daily, or hourly) I pray asking if this is the right decision. I always get a calm, good feeling. I am not saying that bad things won't happen in the future, but I know right now that we are making the right decision and we gave it our all.

Being an entrepreneur's wife means so many things. Sometimes it gets a little lonely, so if you are in this secret club, let's not be so secret, okay?