Freeing

Okay, so I finally went private. And the way you post to the blog changed. So I'm just a little bit disoriented right now. I've been blogging since 2008. You can't just change the homepage for posting so quickly! Also, just because it's private doesn't mean you can't talk about what I say to others. It's just a way to screen out people. Tyler doesn't want us quite so "exposed," especially when he's been in the news and is trying to grow his company. I agree, the thought of his employees and potential customers knowing everything that is going on with our family is a little odd. And I am free-er to post what is on my mind among some trusted friends.

For those of you who read this blog with a reading service (like google reader) just use http://thepaxventures.blogspot.com. I will post with the link so you can easily know when it is updated.

I've been avoiding posting. I admit it.

I had my ultrasound as scheduled two Mondays ago. As soon as I saw the little pearls show up on the ultrasound around my ovaries I was met several thoughts that surprised me. The first was that I was right. Seeing these pearls is a classic indication of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) the leading cause of infertility in women. Did you know that 1 in 8 women suffers with some type of infertility?

The second thought was love. It may sound odd, but seeing those little circles I saw the possibility of all those little half babies! There were 9 little follicles on one side, and 17 on the other. Normal for that stage is under 10, but closer to the 4-5 range. PCOS range is up to 15. And I had 17 on my right side. That's a lot of little half-babies! My body has the capability somewhere to make those into eggs, even if it doesn't happen in this lifetime. It was comforting to see.

The other thing that has happened through this waiting period is trying to make myself as healthy as possible. Over the past several months I have been experiencing other weird health symptoms including depression, foggy-headedness, exhaustion, super dry skin, stomach upset, etc.

Some of those can be attributed to the hormones I was on from Jan-March. I am finally not nauseous all the time! Horray!

I have also been exercising and sweating on a regular basis for the first time since I was 14. 16 years ago!! my 5K has been postponed until May 6. Only this one has hills. haha

Also in an attempt to get healthy and get my head sorted out I have been seeing an acupuncturist. I first went to see her more than a month ago. She diagnosed me with something called Spleen Qi deficiency. Crazy, I know. But I needed help and support from someone other than my obgyn, and my friend Jenny really encouraged me. So I changed my diet, and along with the acupuncture have more energy and am feeling much better. Although some of the symptoms are still there, I want to find the ROOT CAUSE of my issues so that I can solve them if possible. The fuel of PCOS are sugar and carbs. So I am trying to limit those things as much as possible and have cut out all dairy and eggs. I think there is a diet that would really help me, but it will take a lot of time to determine what exactly it is. Until then I will keep experimenting.

The last two changes are more in the self-help realm. I read a book called, "Love What Is," and it was wonderful. It opened my eyes to who I would be without my worries, and I loved that person! I have also been reading my scriptures more often and take comfort that Jesus knows what I am going through and can speak to me through the scriptures. It is awesome!

My specialist appointment is May 1. I keep thinking, "What if I get pregnant before then?" or "C'mon, is this really necessary? You've had 3 already." But I am determined to find the root cause, and look forward to talking with a doctor who deals with my issues every day. He is supposed to be excellent, and I have had two recommendations for him.
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