Sunday, May 10, 2009

To the best mom I know

This afternoon when driving home from church I was thinking about mothers and motherhood. I was also thinking how my view of motherhood has changed as I have gotten older.

When I was little a mom was simply the one who made dinner and provided for the family. You set the tone for holidays, birthdays and any sort of gathering with friends. But most importantly you set the tone for everyday family life and gave me the standard with which I will raise my own children and begin my own home.

You taught me that home was a place that evoked a special feeling. Home was also a place that people had to work hard to maintain. I know you worked hard to give us money so we could go school shopping, go to a private school and go on field trips. You worked hard so we could go on vacations and have nice Christmases and birthdays. You worked hard so we could have enough space to grow and live comfortably. You valued a clean house, and although we struggled making it clean, I grew up knowing that a clean house meant that people were generally happier, healthier and more peaceful. Maybe most importantly though you worked hard so I could have a good example of what it meant to be an adult. I know now, as I did not know then, that by working hard you can truly have a fulfilling life. Doors will open and the world can become a beautiful place.

I remember you getting ready to entertain. The smells, sounds and general feel of the house was always fun. Now I realize that it was stressful, but as a child I loved it. It was exciting to see all the fancy dishes with the fancy food and hear the doorbell ring. I loved seeing what you were going to wear and what the weather was going to be outside. I remember you laughing and talking with friends and family. Those were really good memories that at this precise moment I can't imagine drumming up the energy myself to duplicate. Although I can imagine having friends over, the fanciness of it all seems a little out of reach!

As a teenager my view of you began to change as I realized you were a real person. Imagine, my mom was a real person with real feelings. I loved going through your yearbooks and reading what people wrote, and looking at your pictures amongst faces of people I didn't know. I loved thinking about what you had been like before you got married. Were you a hippie? A nerd? Did you have a boyfriend? Were you pretty? Were you popular? Of course I thought you were beautiful, smart, AND popular. With a boyfriend who was a wrestler, wasn't he? I guess in a way I tried to duplicate what I thought you were. I realized that you had unique opinions and interests. Different from other families and moms. I thought all moms were teachers and all dads were engineers. Then I realized some moms stayed home, some dads did things children didn't understand, some moms were executives, and some dads were doctors, dentists, or out of work. That was like a whole new world. When it came time to go to high school, surprisingly enough you encouraged me to set my own path. Other moms said, "You should go here," or, "You should go do this." You didn't. I had to motivate myself, and choose my own path.

Every day I realize I'm more and more like you. I listen to talk radio, which as a child I couldn't stand. I love to read and write. I love my friends, and learning and doing new things only to discover something else a few months later. I love to browse and use words like cute. I touch everything in the store. I like shoes. I like a clean house. I enjoy using my creative side. I like puzzles. I'm either 'all in' or 'all out' of whatever it is I'm doing.

Becoming a mother and learning all that entails, then combining it with all that I've learned from you has really opened doors and made my world a beautiful place of endless possibilities. My daughters can be doctors, teachers, lawyers or stay at home moms. They can be whatever they want to be. Because YOU (mom and grandma) have given me (mom) the tools to show them how the world works and how to get to where one wants to be. Being a mother is much more than a name, or a birthright, it's a state of being, a state of mind, a calling, a divine heritage, a preordination and the best gift one can receive. I love the words "mother heart" that we have used at church a lot in the past couple years. Because having a mother heart is a feeling that is really indescribable and it's not simply having children. Any woman can have a mother heart toward any person around her that is searching. All women have divine gifts that they can use to benefit others, especially children. Now as I see the little children around me toddle, walk and then run, I feel such a deep love for them I would do anything to make them safe and happy. This is the priceless gift you have given me as your daughter. I love you and am so thankful for your example and all that you have taught me.

Happy Mother's Day,

Sarah

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